Challenged at life

Challenged at life I confronted my heart on this, the value of my worth. Do I have a purpose in this world? I find it easy to blame the worlds influences for this void pressing upon my life. How am I responsible? Truly the world is only as good as the heart of the people within in it. So how has my heart contributed to the condition of the world, within my influence?  It is interesting to me that it often takes a crisis before we ever come to this place in life. When the void within becomes greater than the pride covering it. What is this void of my inner soul? What can satisfy the emptiness of its longing? There is endlessness about it. Deeper and deeper I hear it crying out “there is something to be heard”. This voice is not of me. With whom am I wrestling? I have offered all that I am to my endeavors yet something is unmistakably missing from them. So I set out on a journey to find an answer.

          Deep down in my inner parts I was wrestling with something more than my thoughts. Why is this voice telling me I have a greater worth? A purpose to live for that has a greater good. Nothing I reach for or do satisfies the longing of it in my soul. I am reminded of the children’s book, Horton hears a Who. I hear the Who calling in the center of my heart. Why can’t anyone else hear it? The world’s noise muffling the sound of it, oh but I am sure it is there! Sirens went off in my mind, alarming me to guard my heart. Stop, unknown, beware, and don’t listen to this intruder seeking you. But in my inner distress I know there is a voice calling out to me. It’s from a distant land. It’s coming to help me on my journey, to fill this void. It is wanting to take me some place where I have never been. I can feel the voice like the rushing of a river along the banks of my soul. “Come I will take you on your journey,” it says.  Oh but the water seems so deep, I want to tune out what I don’t understand!  Sirens go off again as I hear the fading words say “you will drown in your emptiness, come let me heal your soul”.

          I wrestled with my thoughts. Am I standing at the door of time? The knocking on the door was the pounding of my heart. The voice was within me but outside asking to come in. I will show you what you seek to know. Angrily I shouted in my mind, I don’t know you! Why you are challenging me? You’re disrupting my soul. No, it does not make sense. Terrified that anything could knock on the door of my heart with my heart and talk to me!  Surly I am crazy? I sat dazed, entrapped with fear at the door of time. Unstoppable tears challenged me with the reality of my life. Still who is this voice? Is it my conscience, is it God? Would Almighty God of the entire universe talk to me? Who am I? Is it possible? Could it be true? Again I saw the banks of the river, now splashing up against my heart. Oh the water so clean and crystal clear. My heart is not so clean. Truly I think I saw myself for the first time. Numbness settled over me as I began to see my options. Darkness hovered over my hearts condition. My journey has taken me to the crossing of time. Something dormant within me was stirring. Desperately it cried out wanting to be heard. I must finish this journey. The cost of not finishing it is too high!

          Shaking I felt as if a new person was trying to cry out of the dying one within. I couldn’t take a hold of the thoughts they were beyond my grasp. How something could come out of what already is? My hearts beating overtook my thoughts. Trembling I spoke to the voice knocking on my heart “I am willing, will you help me on this journey?” As I finished the words the rushing of the river flooded over into the banks of my soul. O’ Jesus, you are Lord of the entire universe!! I felt it, His love and purity overflowing in my heart! Revelation overtook me; the void was created for God to fill! That’s what the voice wanted me to hear! I knew I had just crossed a threshold of time. A place where one journey ends and a new one begins! 

    “Look! Here I stand at the door and knock. If you hear me calling and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal as friends.        
    Revelation 4: 20

    “For we are Gods masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, So that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”
     Ephesians 2:10

About Julie Armendariz

Hi, I am a Artist, Photographer, Christian, wife & mom. I love hiking, nature, poetry & spending time with my family. This Blog is a place for me to share my Art, Photography, writing and faith.
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